Mother Explains Why She Forgave Husband After Toddler Drowned on His Watch
"This could have just as easily happened to me. This could have just as easily been me in Brady's position. Brady was taking care of our newborn child. When I left for dinner that night, he was dethawing my breast milk."
About this episode
On this episode of On Purpose, host Jay Shetty sits down with social media influencer Emily Kaiser for an intimate and raw conversation about the drowning death of her three-year-old son Trigg in May 2024 and navigating public grief. Kaiser, who had built a following sharing family vlogs, describes receiving the phone call from her husband that Trigg had fallen in their pool while she was at dinner five weeks postpartum with their newborn son Teddy. The toddler died a week later. The conversation covers the extreme invasion of privacy Kaiser experienced, with news helicopters circling her home and crews stationed outside while she grieved, leading to PTSD she still experiences. Kaiser reveals she initially felt anger toward her husband but ultimately chose forgiveness after realizing the accident could have happened on her watch, detailing how he was caring for their newborn when it occurred. She shares the deathbed promise she made to Trigg to care for his younger brother, which has become her primary motivation to continue. Kaiser challenges common grief narratives, explaining that grief specialists told her the five stages of grief model was designed for elderly people accepting death, not bereaved parents, and that parental grief never ends but coexists with other emotions. She addresses the public scrutiny and online commentary judging her parenting, stating no external criticism could exceed the blame she places on herself. Kaiser uses her platform to advocate for multiple layers of drowning prevention including pool fences, ISR survival swim lessons, door alarms and sensors, rejecting the unrealistic standard of 100% parental vigilance and acknowledging she regrets choosing a pool net over a fence. The episode provides an unflinching look at the reality of losing a child, navigating marriage through shared trauma, parenting while grieving, and attempting to return to work as a content creator under intense public observation.
Key takeaways
- Kaiser revealed she promised her dying son Trigg she would care for his younger brother Teddy, which has become her driving motivation to survive her grief.
- She explained drowning is the leading cause of death in children under three and advocates for multiple prevention barriers, not just vigilance, acknowledging she regrets choosing a pool net over a fence.
- Kaiser described forgiving her husband Brady after initially feeling anger, realizing he was caring for their five-week-old newborn when Trigg drowned and the accident could have happened to her.
- News helicopters and crews surrounded her home after Trigg's death, creating PTSD that persists when she hears helicopters overhead today.
- A grief specialist told Kaiser that the five stages of grief model was designed for elderly people facing death, not bereaved parents, and that parental grief has no stages and never ends.
- Kaiser explained she sets strict boundaries about not sharing her younger son or photos of Trigg online, fundamentally changing her relationship with social media and her audience.
- She attends weekly couples counseling with her husband and worked with grief professionals at a care farm within two weeks of losing Trigg to learn coping tools.