Eastern Catholic Nun Reveals She Doubted Her Vocation Until Life Profession
"6 months before my life profession, I had an emergency retreat with my spiritual father. I think I'm leaving the monastery. And since making my life profession, which was now 5 years ago, not a single time have I doubted."
About this episode
On Pints with Aquinas, host Matt Fradd interviewed Mother Natalia, an Eastern Catholic Byzantine nun, for a wide-ranging discussion on monastic life, spiritual formation, and the nature of authentic holiness. The conversation led with Mother Natalia's striking admission that she seriously considered leaving her monastery just six months before her life profession after 4.5 to 6 years of formation, requiring an emergency retreat with her spiritual father. She revealed she has experienced no doubts since taking final vows five years ago. The nun shared controversial perspectives that challenged common Catholic assumptions, including her admission that she no longer misses Eucharistic adoration, which she had developed an unhealthy dependence on before becoming Byzantine. She argued forcefully against Archbishop Fulton Sheen's characterization of nuns' confessions as trivial, insisting that interior sins like disobedience to the Holy Spirit can be more serious than external grave sins. Mother Natalia disclosed personal struggles including what she called an addiction to dating before religious life and a realization that much of her perceived generosity was actually rooted in self-love. The discussion explored the importance of Eastern Catholic tradition, with Mother Natalia explaining that Byzantines represent a legitimate expression of Catholicism that should resist blending with Western practices. She emphasized that monastic life involves living with broken, sinful people rather than angels, describing community life as a rock tumbler that smooths rough edges through constant friction. The conversation concluded with practical advice for women discerning religious vocations, stressing the absolute necessity of daily prayer and complete honesty rather than trying to present an idealized version of oneself to a community.
Key takeaways
- Mother Natalia seriously considered leaving her monastery six months before life profession but has had zero doubts in the five years since taking final vows.
- The Byzantine nun admitted she no longer misses Eucharistic adoration and had developed an unhealthy attachment to it that prevented her from encountering Christ elsewhere.
- She argued that interior sins like ignoring the Holy Spirit can be more serious than external grave sins, challenging Archbishop Sheen's characterization of nuns' confessions as trivial.
- Mother Natalia disclosed she struggled with addiction to dating before religious life, finding her identity in relationships and attention rather than in herself.
- She discovered after years in the monastery that much of her perceived generosity was actually motivated by self-love and desire for personal comfort.
- The nun emphasized that monastic life involves living with broken sinful people in a rock tumbler process that sanctifies through constant friction and irritation.
- She stressed that women discerning religious vocations must establish daily prayer and be completely honest rather than presenting an idealized facade to communities.