On this episode of the Huberman Lab Podcast, host Andrew Huberman sits down with Dr. Paul Eastwick, a professor of psychology at UC Davis whose research challenges foundational assumptions about attraction, dating, and relationships. Eastwick presents data that contradicts popular evolutionary psychology narratives, revealing that both men and women equally prefer younger partners when given actual choices on dates, not just men. His studies show financial status matters identically to both sexes when evaluating real people face-to-face, despite stated preferences suggesting otherwise. Using speed dating and matchmaking data from thousands of participants, Eastwick demonstrates that dating apps create one of the most unequal markets in the world, where the most attractive users monopolize attention, but real-world acquaintanceship shows far less dramatic inequality. Surprisingly, men are consistently more eager than women to commit at every relationship stage, from exclusivity to marriage to breaking up, because men derive most social support from romantic partners while women cultivate broader networks. The conversation explores why perceived similarity matters far more than actual compatibility, why initial attraction often starts middling rather than intense, and how sexual satisfaction ranks among the strongest predictors of relationship quality. Eastwick argues that spending time in small group activities creates far better conditions for lasting relationships than app-based approaches, and he warns that isolation and lack of male friendships pose serious risks to men's wellbeing and relationship success. Throughout the discussion, Eastwick emphasizes optimism, offering practical solutions for both single people seeking partners and couples wanting to strengthen existing relationships.
Eastwick describes dating apps as fostering extreme inequality, where a small percentage of users receive the vast majority of attention and right swipes. This market concentration creates a kleptocracy-like dynamic where the most conventionally attractive users monopolize matches, while regular acquaintanceship in person shows far less dramatic inequality.
Read this moment →Twenty years of speed dating research across 40 countries shows that when evaluating real people face-to-face, men and women value earning potential and ambition identically in partners, contradicting the widespread belief that women care more about financial status. The gender difference exists only in stated preferences and online contexts, not in actual attraction to real people.
Read this moment →Eastwick's research shows that people in happy relationships exhibit motivated reasoning, finding commonalities wherever they look and deciding those are what matter most. Actual measured similarity between partners predicts compatibility no better than a coin flip, while subjective perception of shared values drives relationship satisfaction, explaining why objective matching algorithms fail.
Read this moment →Eastwick's research reveals a medium-sized effect showing men are consistently more eager than women to commit at every relationship stage, from saying 'I love you' first to wanting exclusivity and marriage. The explanation: men derive most social support from romantic partners while women cultivate broader support networks, making relationships more essential to men's wellbeing and making men more reluctant to break up.
Read this moment →Dr. Paul Eastwick's research using matchmaking data from 4,500 participants found that both men and women prefer younger partners when given a choice on actual dates, contradicting the widespread belief that only men seek younger partners. Women stated preferences for older men but behaviorally favored younger ones, revealing a gap between what people say they want and what attracts them in real interactions.
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